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The Family Mosaic: Fitting the Pieces Together

Our lives - our families. Are they beautiful, but chaotic, mosaics? How do you fit the contrasting pieces together in a way that makes sense? You may wonder, when the chaos of daily life whirls around you, how much a hand you are really playing in your own life. How do you gain a sense of control? Parents are always striving to piece the elements of their lives together and regain balance, but they rarely have the time nor the energy. For some, maintaining a strong family in the midst of chaotic schedules, economic struggles, or troubled relationships. Many families have learned to cope and to prevail. Researchers have found out that makes these families so resilient. Here are five tips for keeping your family happily connected and healthy even in stressful times.

Here are five tips for dealing with the problems in your life that will help bring your family closer together than farther apart:

1.) Pencil in family fun time.

While it's important to make money, have hobbies, go to the gym, and so on, you have to make a commitment to make time for it. Your husband and your children are not ready. They should be a top priority in your life. Everything else comes second. No exceptions.

After all, your children will grow out of each stage of their lives. Just as you would any business meeting, with as much as possible a sense of urgency, way, way, way in advance. This way you can ensure your family never goes neglected in any given week. In fact, it may be a good idea to dedicate certain weekdays to family time to avoid confusion as well as a Wednesday Board Game Night and a Friday Movie Night. If one or more of your adolescents want to go out with their friends on Friday night, that's okay! Move it to Saturday. Always make an effort to be flexible when planning to have fun especially when you have adolescents in the house. Your adolescents are in the process of developing their brains and they are in the beginning of growing a frontal cortex, so no matter what you say, friends will always come first to them, and you will always have a battle. At all costs, try to avoid skiffs during the planning process because after all you want this experience to be, well ... fun!

2.) Take a deep breath and ACCEPT.

We have a traumatic event. These strategies are destructive to the family. Some family members use drugs and alcohol, self-isolation, self-mutilation or deprivation, or fighting to deal with stress. These are maladaptive forms of coping that cause problems for the individual and the whole family. Healthy coping skills are less emotionally available, more self-destructive, less giving, more quick to upset, and less positive in general. To be able to learn how to mentally, emotionally and physically accept that the stressors exist.

Being in denial, pushing stressors off until the last minute, and ruminating on hardship rather than having a problem solving attitude, are all that brings you more problems in the end. It's not easy to learn, and it's not enough to say, "I accept that BLANK exists." Spend some time meditating on the issue that is causing you stress. While thinking about this issue taking deep breaths in with slow releases. Focus on the issue until the anxiety it gives you has decreased. Make sure you are in a quiet room free of distractions. This practice wants to teach your body how to regard the problem with calm rather than anxiety.

When you are in a relaxed state, you are better able to brainstorm solutions for the problem as well. However, this is where true acceptance is so important. Create a mantra for yourself that asks you to accept it. It is sometimes helpful to play calming music or to light candles or incense during this meditation. 

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